Why Being Single is Awesome
Updated: Jun 7, 2020
Being single gets a bad reputation but, after months of it, I can safely say it's freaking awesome.
I’m guessing that during lockdown you waited maybe one or two weeks before downloading tinder and bumble. You get a couple of matches, talk about superficial crap for a little while saying things like “omg I love music!” Or “So how’s lockdown going for you?” Before you question the point is in talking to someone that lives 45km away.
You only did it because you were bored and now you’ve flirted yourself into saying “when this over imma take you out” even though you have no intention of ever meeting the other person. It’s okay, I’ve been there about seven times already, and after swiping on countless girls with the line “HMU I’m bored xx” in their bio, I learned a valuable lesson. We might be swiping on Tinder or going to clubs to pick up girls but it’s not relationships that we want. It’s not a companion we seek. Instead, it seems we’re genuinely afraid of being single.
Alone, forever. Being single often evokes images of Ms Havisham sitting alone in a wedding dress looking all scary and it’s not difficult to understand why.
In a lot of romantic films, the main character finding a boyfriend or girlfriend is literally the entire main plot, and when they finally find their partner the music swells, there’s smiles everywhere and the couple live happily ever after, their lives being forever complete now that they’ve found each other, as if they couldn’t bear to function in life alone. That’s crap. Not only is that crap - it’s sad. It encourages the idea that we need another half to complete us, as if a relationship is the key to avoiding loneliness and being happy.
It’s not surprising that single people might feel bad when we as a society are so obsessed with relationships either. From cringe one month anniversaries to Valentine’s Day to the glorification of basic relationship standards as ‘couple goals’ and the fixation with YouTube couples, we are obsessed with relationships and scared to be alone.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. Right now, I’m single, I have been for a little while and it’s one of the best feelings in the world. But don’t just take my word for it – I interviewed other people on Instagram to find out just why being alone can be awesome:
You have space to learn more about yourself
“In a relationship, you’re constantly trying to learn about, understand and please someone else and it’s easy to forget about yourself.” – Katie Red (@ktmclovin)
When we’re constantly thinking about our significant other, what we can do to make them happy and how they feel, it can be all too easy to get wrapped up in caring for someone else whilst neglecting yourself. The beauty of being single gives you the ultimate opportunity to be selfish and focus more on what YOU want and what makes YOU happy.
What’s your love language? What are the core values you want a partner to have? Are any of the traits you’re looking for in a partner found in your friends? What can you learn about yourself from past relationships to improve your next?
When we don’t have these questions answered for ourselves and dive into relationship after relationship without taking the time to reflect and give ourselves the opportunity to grow and adapt, we risk hurting ourselves and punishing ourselves with avoidable problems.
“Romantic relationships can be a massive distraction from personal growth and development, it can distract from learning about who you are and what you want out of life. It’s an opportunity to find the love within yourself, create yourself without possible interference from a romantic partner” – G (@georgietherainbowgirl)
You can enjoy casual dating
Want casual sex? Queer sex? Group sex? Kinky sex? Vanilla sex? No sex? You can have it! When you’re single, the choice is yours to explore your sexuality and dating preferences as much and as often as you desire, whether that’s sharpening up your pick-up lines on Tinder, finding out your sexual preferences through different partners or discovering that you want nothing to do with sex at all. The choice is yours.
“There’s nothing wrong with giving your love to as many people as possible!” – Zara Overton (@zaraovertonx)
You can gain more confidence
When you’re single, you have to do a lot of things yourself, forcing you to be more independent and self-sufficient. You make the rules in your life and there are endless choices. When you learn this skill of independence, relationships no longer become something to depend on for any type of validation or need fulfilment and they can just be something you enjoy.
"After going through some heartbreak, I realized that taking a step back to focus on creating a life for myself would put me in a great place for when I meet someone who I can give my heart to again. I have been single for around five years now and when I look back on those years, I realize how much I have accomplished and how much I have grown. As much as I love having a partner, it feels good that I have done so much on my own. I haven’t had anyone “hold me back” or make me think twice about a decision. It has been my time to be selfish and live how I want to." - Krista Stucchio (@hashtagfoodpic / @kstucchio)
You get to be independent
“You don’t have to bother about your partner's whereabouts, or sit by your phone all day waiting for a notification from them” - Syd (@sydellesantos)
When I’m single, if I want to take myself out on a date and buy myself my favourite flowers, I can. If I want to go on holiday somewhere, I don’t need to consult anyone beforehand, and I can just go. Being single gives you the freedom to put yourself first and engage in the ultimate form of self-love by embracing the (amazing) company that you can give yourself.
“You get to talk to whoever you want, dress however you want and live however you want unapologetically. There is no expectation and pressure to live up to as you have no one to disappoint since you don’t owe any loyalties towards anyone! Live your best life! There is no rush to find love as love will find you when you least expect it” - Aafreen (@alzena_21)
You can play with your personal style
"When you're single, you love yourself more, you take up new things, you change up your appearance. I ended up changing my hair when I broke up with my ex and now I love it and it's almost part of me" - Sansy (@sansyrewatkar)
You have more opportunities to meet people
When we’re in relationships, we tend to stick to the familiar circle of our friends and that of our significant other and it can get a little boring. With the freedom of being single, you have greater chances to get out there and meet new people just for the sake of it. Even using apps such as Tinder or Bumble to make friends can result in the most beautiful of connections.
Your life can go in any direction
"Being single is a great time to focus on yourself and get clear on your vision and goals for your life. You can use that time to grow as a person and truly find out what you want, before you get distracted by what someone else has to offer." - Justine Mfulama (@justinemfulama, https://www.justinemfulama.com/)
When you’re in a relationship, you’re probably thinking about the next stages: meeting friends, parents, moving in together, getting engaged, marrying, and having children. When you’re single, you don’t have pressures to do any of that – you could live alone with no children and six dogs at age 40 if it’s what makes you happy (if the dogs were pitbulls, personally, it would make me very happy).
You don’t have to shave
From the bottom of my heart, I truly believe this is an underrated privilege deserving of its own title.
You can be selfish in the name of self-care
“I can take time to heal myself or create something I’m passionate about without distractions. You can Travel without anything holding you back, waking up on Saturday morning and just chilling without any interruptions. I’m an introvert so being alone is my sweet spot” - Ms. Jennifer Mason (@singleladynotes)
Want to be alone? You can. Want to go eight months without shaving? You can. Want to binge on your favourite snacks all day without having to share? You can. Want to go out to some obscure venue that not many people are into? You can, without having to compromise or do something you don’t like to please someone else. When you’re single, you don’t have to be conscious about working to please anyone and you make all the rules.
“You’ve being giving your love out unconditionally, now is the time to direct that love to yourself. Focus on improving your health, building your career, hanging out with friends and family, writing that book you have been planning to write, working out, trying new things etc. when you learn to fall in love with yourself, it allows the right people to fall in love with you.” – John Bosco (@letstalklove)
"Your time is 100% your time and so is your money. Use that time and money to get to know and love all parts of you. Spend money on self care, adventures, traveling, food and just experiencing life." - Rasheena Liberté (@layerednliberte)
You don’t lose sleep over avoidable fights
Relationships are wonderfully magical in the beginning ‘honeymoon’ phase, but when the rose-tinted glasses come off, arguments can become frequent and draining. Whether it’s about which restaurant you should eat in, who you should and shouldn’t dance with at a party or lack of communication, at some point you will have a petty argument with your significant other. Once it’s all over, you’ll probably question the point of going through all that stress over something so small. When you're single, you don't waste time on this problem.
You save money
If nothing else convinces you that being single is awesome, let it be this. Having no partner means having no regular expensive dates that drain your bank balance and no buying pricey gifts for anyone but yourself. Instead, save your money for that takeaway you’ve been craving – treat yourself.
You can reflect on your flaws to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship
“Being single gives you a chance to prepare yourself for the relationship you need. Having a happy and healthier relationship or marriage starts from preparing yourself from singlehood. Getting your relationship with God right, your relationship with yourself right, will help you get your relationship with others right.” – John Bosco (@letstalklove)
When you’re single, you can reflect on your own shortcomings to make sure you don’t repeat past mistakes in future relationships. You can also think about what you value in a relationship and want your partner to offer (more information on red and green flag behaviours here)
"It gives you an opportunity to take the time and figure out what it is you need to improve on [about yourself]. It gives you time to look at your feelings when you’re alone and make the changes on yourself that you need to make so that you don’t run into the same issues over and over again with different people. It’s not always the other person - sometimes we have to look in the mirror and be strong enough to identify [our issues] and execute solutions to become stronger as a person." – Prezkay (@prezkay)
You have more time to focus on your career
If you’re like me, university and extracurricular work (or a job) takes up a lot of your time, and without careful organisation and prioritisation, a relationship can cause you to miss out on what’s important for your career.
The amount of times I have seen people at university and in school (with myself included) struggle to keep up with assignments or revise for exams because they want to see their partner everyday is staggering.
Spending quality time in relationships is important, but it’s even more important that this quality time doesn’t negatively affect your ability to work towards a successful future that might not have your partner in it. When you’re single, however, this isn’t a struggle and the only thing stopping you from working is you.
You can invest more energy in building friendships
When we talk about love, it can be easy to forget that most of the things that we look for in a partner, such as companionship, shared humour and similar values, can be found in our friendship groups. In fact, it is friendship that is fundamental to the flourishing of romantic relationships in the first place. The company we keep in all aspect of our lives define who we are – if our friends aren’t people who build us up and add value to our lives then they are not worth keeping around, in the same way that a toxic romantic partner isn’t worth keeping around either.
From our friends, we learn how to love and how to communicate, we learn what it means to share a bond and have a trusting relationship. These are the bonds that last for years and these are the relationships that deserve the most praise. Regardless of whether you’re single or not, your friends will still be by your side, and these are the people who you should focus on building the greatest relationship that you can with.
You learn that you don’t need a relationship
"Being single isn't a curse, it's a blessing because when you meet yourself and fall in love, you raise the expectations of those around you." - Rasheena Liberté (@layerednliberte)
It’s common for couples to talk about their partner as their ‘other half’ or the one who fills a space in their heart, but the lesson it is crucial for us to unlearn from the ideas projected by the Western media is that we are not put into relationships to find our other half. We are whole beings capable of finding happiness within our own company who are blessed with equally happy people to make an even happier union.
When we see relationships as something we ‘need’, it can make us feel like we are incomplete or somehow worth less without external validation from someone else, almost as if there is no love we can experience without a romantic partner. But this isn’t true.
Self-love is the purest and beautiful form of love that there is and spending time enjoying your own company whilst being single is often the key to realising this. Whether you're in a relationship or not, know that you are beautiful, worthy of love and amazing as a human being regardless of your status. The only person who can define your worth and happiness is you, so don't be afraid to love the single life and take every benefit from the experience.
Advice
"Hey friend, I want you to know that being single is a whole vibe! Focus on what makes you happy while you're single, right now is not a time to mope but a time to explore. When you know what makes you happy and who you are, you'll be less inclined to settle for a space filler. I don't know about you, but I want that wholesome love, that love with two whole individuals and the real question is how can you know when someone is whole if you aren't yourself? So don't be afraid, explore that unknown territory called singleness." - Rasheena Liberté (@layerednliberte)
“Being single and happy is better than being in a relationship and miserable. You can have someone in your life and still feel lonely. Be afraid of losing yourself to wrong person. Be afraid of settling, but don’t be afraid of being single” - Ms. Jennifer Mason (@singleladynotes)
“This is the stage that makes you stronger as you’re happy to give yourself time and company to get to know yourself. This way you know what you expect from a guy or a girl. Next time you get into a relationship, you will know what standards you have set yourself and the other person will be able to meet them. My favourite line based on my own experience is that you’ll never learn to be happy with someone else until you are happy from within. You can’t rely on another guy/girl to change that.” - Aafreen (@alzena_21)
“[Being single is] definitely something you have to get used to, it’s a total lifestyle change. It sounds selfish but it IS selfish because it’s about your life. You do what YOU want to do, what makes YOU happy and you don’t have to worry about what someone else thinks.” - Katie Red (@ktmclovin)
“If you’re a young person who is single or afraid to be, take the time to get to know yourself because no one will know you like you will. If you get into relationships and you’re not where you need to be in life, you will always be settling because no one can love or care for you the way you can. Until you can love and care yourself without the help of anyone else, you should be by yourself” – Prezkay (@prezkay)
“Don't push a relationship, and don’t try to force it. Things happen in their own time and they often occur when you least expect it to. Don’t go searching for love. It'll come to you” – Syd (@sydellesantos)
“Being single is a status, not a life sentence and, like any other status, it changes for good only when you have loved and appreciated yourself first. Being single allows you to determine who to date, what to look for in a partner, when to consider a relationship, what to give out and what to expect from a partner and so on. Making the right decisions at the right time with the right person is important. It is far better to be single and be happy and at peace than to rush into a relationship and regretting it." – John Bosco (@letstalklove)
“'See being single as an opportunity to be at one with yourself. It's not a race to be in a relationship because one of your friends are, it'll happen when you least expect it” – Sansy (@sansyrewatkar)
"This is your time to be independent and grow stronger. Strengthen your relationships with your friends and family and most importantly, yourself. I have always been pretty dependent, meaning I don’t like being alone for very long and crave socialization. Being single for a while has forced me to spend more time with myself and really learn what makes me happy and what I would like in a partner. Being afraid is okay, and kind of a good thing. You might as well be out of your comfort zone and learn how to cope when you’re by yourself so you can be a better partner later on. Life is not a race, and that is some thing that I am still learning every day." - Krista Stucchio (@hashtagfoodpic / @kstucchio)
“Only you can work on yourself and grow, a relationship won’t help you be who you truly are. Love is cool but loving yourself is cooler!” - Zara Overton (@zaraovertonx)
"If you are afraid of being single, understand that being in a relationship won't change anything. The anxiety about being alone is rooted in your attachment style (anxious). Until you deal with that it will negatively affect your relationships. The best thing you can do is, therefore, identify why you seek others in the first place and how you can meet that need yourself" - Justine Mfulama (@justinemfulama)
“Stay single. You don’t want to end up with someone out of fear, you want to choose them out of love. And you can’t do that unless you find joy in your own company” – G (@georgietherainbowgirl)