20 healthy self-harm alternatives
Updated: May 23, 2020
Self-harm is unfortunately a battle that many young people across the globe struggle with. I myself battled with urges to self-harm for three years during the worst stages of depression and struggled for a long time to find alternatives. I believe it is possible for all who are struggling to find healthy alternatives, however, and hope that you find some comfort or advice in reading this.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm is a term to describe the deliberate actions that one might do to cause harm to or hurt themselves. It is not usually an attempt at suicide, but it can still be difficult for sufferers to deal with as well as parents and friends.
Someone may engage in self-harm as a coping mechanism for dealing with negative feelings that are overwhelming, but any positive effects are short-lived and to be followed by much harsher negative consequences.
The most common form of self-harm is cutting the skin, and this the form of self-harm focused on in this article, but self-harm can also be:
Excessive drug or alcohol use
Head banging against a surface
Burning the skin
Punching or hitting oneself
Excessively exercising
Deliberately starving, binge eating, or forcing oneself to vomit
Overspending
Excessive sex
Scratching the skin
Pulling out hair
Consequences of self-harm
Although self-harm is done to provide temporary relief from emotional pain, its effects can be extremely negative and long lasting.
Shame and guilt
Self-harming is often described to be like a drug – when you do it, you might block out your emotional pain for a small moment, but once you’ve realised what you’ve done, you will likely feel worse than before because you will now have the physical and emotional trauma of your actions to deal with on top of whatever emotions you were initially struggling with.
Scars
Scars are permanent and can be the subject of many uncomfortable questions and conversations from strangers, employers, friends, and others over many years.
“Self-harming created a lot of problems in my life," says Unofficially Therapy, "I used to do theatre and would often have costumes that required short sleeves. I always had horrible anxiety while having to hide my scars … I also have stories of having to cover up scars to hide them from doctors, etc. It definitely was not worth the anxiety and shame that it caused me. Quitting self-harm has taken so much weight off of my shoulders.”
Addiction
Self-harm methods such as cutting, and drug or alcohol abuse can (and often do) become more than a coping mechanism for dealing with pain and can become a long lasting addiction that is financially draining, socially isolating and requiring of treatment.
The more you repeat harmful actions towards yourself, the more your mind will urge you to continue, causing extreme (short-lived) highs and even more extreme, longer-lasting lows.
Permanent damage
When cutting your wrist, it is all too easy to come away with injured tendons and blood vessels or to damage a major nerve in your wrist, leaving you with permanent numbness in your hand.
Organ failure
Overdosing on drugs such as paracetamol can heavily affect organs such as the lover and kidneys, leading to organ damage if untreated for a long time. If you have overdosed, the first course of action you should take is going to A&E or calling an ambulance.
Poor self-esteem and poor self-image
Loss of relationships
Infection of wounds
Healthy alternatives to self-harm
Methods to distract
Drawing an image with a pen in the area where you want to cut your skin
Use a stress ball
Take a cold bath or shower
Wrap bandages over the area you want to cut
Clean
Make a note of everything that you accomplished in one day, whether it be as little as seeing friends or having a shower for the day or make a note of things that made you happy throughout the day
Methods to let it all out
Scream the lyrics to your favourite angry song (mine is Smack A Bitch by Rico Nasty)
"A big thing for me was music therapy. I asked my mom for a Congo drum one Christmas, did I learn to properly play it? No I just banged on it making sounds that I liked … Distraction even to this day has been the easiest way to get over the hump of that feeling of wanting to self harm" - Kendall King
Screaming into a cushion
Holding ice cubes
“The alternative that I used most often was holding an ice cube in my hand until it melted. It hurt a lot but didn’t harm me at all.” - Unofficially Therapy
Drawing lines on your skin with a red marker
Punching a pillow or punching bag
Break sticks
Pull the hair on your legs
Buy (or make) fake blood and put it in the area you want to cut
Telling a friend or trusted adult
“When I told my best friend I had been self harming, and she's been through basically the same things I have so she helped me stop. She came over and threw away all turn stuff I used to cut.” – Haley
Methods to comfort
Massage the area you want to harm
Cuddle or stroke a toy
Prayer
“Music, God and working out we’re the biggest things that helped me. When those thoughts or feelings would come on I would try and substitute it with one of those more healthy choices.” - Raza
Try deep breathing exercises
Have a self-care box (I still have mine, containing face masks, bath gel, tissues, my diary, a sketchbook with watercolour paints, objects from childhood that bring good memories, a teddy bear, photos I was happy in, and incense)
Methods to manage emotions
Record your emotions in a diary or journal and ask yourself why you feel this way.
For example, if you’re feeling like ‘there is nothing to be happy about’, record this thought in a journal and break down the statement. Why do you feel like there is nothing to be happy about? How can you work to resolve the issues you’re facing in an effective way? Is there really nothing to be happy about? What are some things that might prove the opposite?
Write a letter to someone you’re angry or upset at and keep it for yourself
Advice
“I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but it truly is not worth it. You will regret it. Maybe not in the moment, maybe not for a while, but in the future, you will regret it. Be kind to yourself, be kind to your body, and reach out for help. If you’re thinking of self-harming, call or text a crisis hotline. Get the help you need. There are much better, healthier, and more effective ways to deal with your problems. Scars stick around forever, but your problems and feelings will not. Good luck and always choose what’s best for you.” – Unofficially Therapy
“My advice is, don't beat yourself up... So many young people self-harm once and think they're a failure. It's ok to fall sometimes, as long as we get back up and try again.” - Haley
“For those who are thinking of self-harm or are in it, please know you are not a lost cause, you are beautiful despite what the worlds “standards” say. If you feel numb and want to feel, there is other ways to find better feelings. If you have been in that place and your trying to stop, please reach out to someone you trust, don’t be ashamed, I’ve seen greatness rise from pain. Keep your chin up.” - Raza
Don’t do it. Its not worth it. It’s a temporary fix that will not last and will not solve anything. Self harming only creates more problems for you in the short & long run. The consequences for self harm can be so huge and it’s something that can haunt you for the rest of your life. I wake up everyday and have to look at the scars on my body. I stopped self harming 7 years ago and I still live with the pain I caused myself. Hurting yourself just isn’t worth it. You are so much stronger than you realize and there’s so much the world can offer you. Bad times don’t last forever, and there are so many outlets in the world now and people to turn to. You have to believe in yourself because you are strong and you are resilient and things really do get better. You are loved and you are powerful. Find that thing that makes you happy and soothes your soul and use that to combat those feelings of self harm. You are bigger than the issues that face you, and you will make it and come out stronger and happier on the other end. Please don’t give up on yourself, be brave reach out to somebody. Don’t go it alone. - Kendall King
Useful webistes
HARMLESS www.harmless.org.uk User led organisation that provides a range of services about self harm including support, information, training and consultancy to people who self harm, their friends, families and professionals.
National Self Harm Network: www.nshn.co.uk Survivor led organisation, aims to bridge the gulf in understanding and to campaign for the rights of those who live with self harm. Leaflets have been produced for those who self injure and health care professionals.
Hotlines
Childline: 0800 1111
British Red Cross Society: 0344 871 1111
ZEST (N.Ireland): 0287 126 6999
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